Family Portraits at the Picnic!

Have you had your family portrait taken since the death of your baby? Did you do/bring/wear something special to remember your baby in that photograph? Comment here or email me at Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org and we will add your ideas to our Honoring Your Baby page on Sweet Pea Project's website.

photo by Molly S Photography, Sweet Pea Sisters & Brothers Picnic 2011

Family portraits can be a beautiful keepsake, but for families who have experienced the death of a child they can also be the source of anxiety and heartache. I struggled with the idea of a "family portrait" for a long time because while I wanted that cherished photograph of my husband and I with our beautiful children, it felt incomplete because one of my children was missing. I know I am not alone in feeling this way, many bereaved parents have expressed these same sentiments to me. And it is for this reason that we will be offering free family portrait sittings at the 2nd Annual Sweet Pea Sisters & Brothers Picnic this summer. Krisha Martzall Photography has very generously agreed to do a short session with each family at the picnic and will provide one image completely free. I am so very grateful to Krisha for giving the families in our community such a meaningful gift, and I encourage you to find a special way to include your little one in your photograph. One easy way is to wear your picnic shirts with your child's name emblazoned across the back. (If you haven't already done so, make sure you place your order by May 25. Order form can be found at www.sweetpeaproject.org/picnic/registration.) Children can also wear necklaces and bracelets with their sibling's name spelled out in beads, we'll be making those at the craft pavilion from 4-6pm. Maybe there is a stuffed animal or something special from home you would like to bring to include in the photograph. Or maybe you don't need anything at all. Maybe it is enough that you have set this day aside to spend time together as a family and remember the little girl or boy who you will always carry in your heart, and you will remember that every time you look at the picture. Either way, we hope that you will take advantage of this opportunity to create a lasting memory with your family. See you at the park in a few weeks!

Reflections on Mother's Day

Last Sunday was International Bereaved Mothers Day and next Sunday is Mother's Day. I was reflecting on these two sacred days the other night, and thought I'd share my thoughts here: Bereaved Mother's Day is not a replacement for Mother's Day. It is an addition to it. The traditional Mother's Day is still very much our day. And when you dive into the history of the holiday and check out the true intention behind the day, it becomes evident that it is perhaps ours even more than the average happy-go-lucky-mom (if there is such a woman.) It began as a peace protest by Julia Ward Howe, who was tired of seeing mothers lose their sons to war. She spoke of grieving mothers in her declaration for Mother's Day of Peace. Grieving mothers, that's us. I appreciate IBMD and all that Carly has done for our community, I will celebrate it and feel honored by it- but I do not need it. Because the real Mother's Day is mine. I earned it four times over, with each heart that began beating beneath mine. And no matter how your children came to you and no matter how long their lifetime lasted, they are yours and this day they designate as Mother's Day... that's yours, too.

If you've been part of our community here at Sweet Pea Project for awhile now, you have undoubtedly read the piece I wrote about Mother's Day and the history lesson that beautiful mama Kara LC Jones gave me a few years ago, but I am reposting it below for those who are new here. Please feel free to share far and wide, and be sure to visit Kara's page to dig deeper.

I hope Mother's Day, and the days leading up to it, are gentle on you.

---
May 8, 2010

Well, there is no escaping it. Tomorrow is Mother's Day.

For those of you who lost your only child or who are facing their first Mother's Day since their child's death, tomorrow will no doubt be a difficult day. The memory of my first Mother's Day without Madeline is still heavy in my heart. I wanted to just ignore it, but I was constantly ambushed by junkmail advertisements, displays in stores, and commercials on the radio and TV. I found myself questioning if I really was a mother, if I even deserved this day at all. Of course I knew in my heart that I was a mother, but I felt like society considered me disqualified since I had no little ones to scribble "I love you" on construction paper or make me a messy breakfast in bed.

If I only had known then what I know now. You see, since then I have met Kara LC Jones of KotaPress and MotherHenna, and she gave me a little history lesson. Mother's Day is not just a meaningless Hallmark Holiday. It began as a peace protest in 1870 by Julia Ward Howe, who was sick of seeing mothers lose their sons to war. When I read the line in Howe's proclamation that says, "Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead," I couldn't help but feel empowered. I remembered how I felt that first Mother's Day, when everyone else was off celebrating while I stayed in bed to cry alone and then later when my husband and I hiked through the woods to a little meadow where we planted five saplings for Madeline, thanking her for making me a mother. I had felt like such an outcast at the time, but now I look back and am struck by the fact that I was the one celebrating the true nature of Mother's Day. It is not about going out to brunch, it is about honoring the entire experience of motherhood. Kara puts it perfectly when she says, "I'll celebrate with you as long as you will first mourn with me. It is the combination of the two that lends itself to the true meaning of Mothers Day!"

To read Kara's entire article on this topic, including the speech Julia Ward Howe gave in Boston in 1870, please visit the following page: http://www.kotapress.com/section_articles/holidays/motherFatherDays/jones_realMeaning.htm.
Wishing you all a gentle Mother's Day of Peace tomorrow in honor of every mother of every child, living or dead.

peace,

Madeline's Mommy, Stephanie Cole

Still a Mother

Sweet Pea Project will be giving away copies of the book Still, written by Sweet Pea Project founder Stephanie Paige Cole, on Sunday May 6th in honor of International Bereaved Mothers Day.

 

 

International Bereaved Mothers Day was created in 2010 by Project Heal's Carly Marie Dudley and it is held on the first Sunday of May.

 

 

Carly explains: "This special day was created to honour and celebrate mothers who carry some if not all of their children in their hearts rather than their arms. In our modern day society, mothers who are grieving the death of their babies and children are usually forgotten. The traditional Mothers Day has proven to be an emotionally difficult day for so many mothers around the world."

 

 

To enter the drawing for a copy of Still, please email Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org with the words "Still a Mother" in the subject line. Please include your name, your child's name/nickname and your address in the email. All entries must be received by May 5.  Winners will be notified on May 6.

 

 

I would also like to remind you that Mother's Day is your day, regardless of whether you carry your child in your arms or in your heart. You are still a mother. Please take a moment to read, or re-read for those of you who have been in our community awhile, this short piece from our blog about the true origins of this holiday and how it really was created with us broken hearted mamas in mind: http://sweetpeaproject.blogspot.com/2010/05/mothers-day-of-peace.html

 

 

To learn more about International Bereaved Mother's Day please visit the facebook page http://www.facebook.com/pages/International-Bereaved-Mothers-Day/205653979495449 and be sure to pick up a free flower photo while you are there to help spread the word and share the love.

 

 

I hope these days are gentle to you.

 

 

peace,

Stephanie

A Sweet Fundraiser... CHOFFY!

click on the image to enlarge

Simone L. Lee, an independent Choffy distributor, has introduced a brand new and absolutely delicious fundraiser for Sweet Pea Project. Simone will be donating 100% of her profits to Sweet Pea Project during the month of May. And now Simone has graciously decided to begin the fundraiser a full two weeks early- all purchases made from now until May 31st will benefit Sweet Pea Project- so start shopping! And don't forget Mom... Choffy makes a fantastic Mother's Day present! 


Shop now at  www.drinkchoffy.com/deLEEcious. Learn more about Choffy (and discover great new recipes and tips) on Simone's facebook page: Choffy Is DeLEEcious.  Please feel free to spread the word by sharing our flier and linking to this post.  Thank you for your support!


And a special bonus: Free shipping on select products ordered during the month of April! Details at http://www.drinkchoffy.com/free-shipping-through-the-rest-of-april/

2nd Annual Sweet Pea Sisters & Brothers Picnic Presented by Beittel-Becker Pediatrics

You are invited to the 2nd Annual Sweet Pea Sisters & Brothers Picnic Presented by Beittel-Becker Pediatrics, Sweet Pea Project's community event for children who have lost a brother or sister during pregnancy or infancy. The death of a baby can be very difficult on a child. They witness their parents wrestling with overwhelming grief, and struggle with their own feelings of sadness and confusion. These children deserve a day just to be carefree children, playing with their parents in the sunshine and having fun, and that is what our annual picnic is all about.

Parents are invited to bring their surviving and subsequent children to Lititz Springs Park in Lititz, PA on Saturday, June 30th from 4pm-7pm to play, eat, and enjoy each other's company. The highlight for this year's picnic will surely be the concert by the award-winning, childrens' favorite: Steven Courtney & the Suitcase Musicians! Just like last year, there will be tons of awesome prizes, bubble and parachute playtime with Gymboree of Lancaster and a craft table where kids can express themselves through art, make beaded necklaces with their sibling's name, and plant flowers.  Doug Hilton Photography will be capturing candid shots throughout the event and Krisha Martzall Photography will be shooting free family portraits in the park. This year's picnic will also include a bounce house from 3 Monkeys Inflatables, live animal demonstrations by Bob the Critter Guy, Kids Yoga with Michelle Newman, balloon animals from Tony the Balunguy, and much more. Bring your favorite picnic blanket or plop down at a picnic table to enjoy a delicious picnic dinner, courtesy of Freeze & Frizz, SEI's Catering and Grand Central Bagel. Be sure to save room for dessert! Couture Cupcakes will once again be providing cupcakes, and there will be plenty of cookies and cake, too!

This event (and all of the food and entertainment) is entirely free, but registration is required. Please reserve your family's spot at www.sweetpeaproject.org/picnic/registration no later than May 25. And don't forget to order your Sweet Pea Picnic T-shirts!

The idea for the Sweet Pea Sisters & Brothers Picnic came about after Beth Gauthier and Nicole Jackson joined the board of directors in 2010. Both had older children who grieved along side of them when their sons were stillborn and each have had another baby since then. Though support groups exist for parents, very little is offered for children. Sweet Pea Project is excited to be able to reach out to these children through this annual picnic, in honor of Mark and Max.

For more information about the picnic (and to view a video from last year's event) please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org/picnic. Please contact Beth@sweetpeaproject.org with any questions. Thank you and we hope to see you in June!

Happy Birthday, Dakota Jones

Thirteen years ago, on March 11, a beautiful little boy was born. He did not cry. He did not wiggle in his mama's arms. He did not breathe. But still, he changed the world.

  

That little boy lit a spark inside of his mother during the nine months he spent nestled inside of her, and that spark was not extinguished when he died. That spark grew into a full fledged fire of motherly love and devotion and creativity and life and beauty and sadness and empathy and generosity and strength and light.

 

Kara has done so much since Dakota's death and birth (in that terrible, twisted order) and has been an inspiration to so many. Her artwork, poetry, books and workshops are such gifts to our community.  She is the one who enlightened me to the true origins of Mother's Day and her idea of using art to "look askew and try to get a handle on our experience when looking straight on is too much" really hits home for me.  Her book of poetry, Flash of Life, is one of the books that I have returned to time and time again in the five years since my Madeline's death and it was an incredible honor for me when Kara agreed to write the foreword for my own book.  Though I hate the sadness we have in common and I wish we had met under different circumstances, I am so grateful to know her, and to know Kota through her.

  

If you haven't had a chance to check out all the amazing things Kara LC Jones and her husband, Hawk Jones, have created as they continue to parent Dakota, please take a few minutes to check out some of their work at www.motherhenna.com.

 

And happy thirteenth birthday, Kota.

  

DSM V

Please take a moment to read the message below from Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, and visit her blog.  This is an important read on a topic that will inevitably touch every single one of us. As always, Dr Joanne Cacciatore articulates it perfectly. "We can never derive what we need during suffering from a pill or a bottle. What we desperately need in our world is a willing witness to our suffering, someone who will join us with full presence and mindfulness."

"A dangerous change for future bereaved parents is impending. The DSM V has proposed a reduction to two weeks following any death (there is no exclusion for child death) before grief can be classified as depression. Please read this important blog and call to action and please read this blog and then SHARE far and wide to your networks: http://drjoanne.blogspot.com/2012/03/relativity-applies-to-physics-not.html"  ~Joanne Cacciatore

The pressure from her blog is resulting in some public attention, helping to bring the cause of bereaved parents into public purview, and helping our voices to be heard.  Please read her blog post and spread the word.  Thank you.

Ladies Day Out

On Sunday April 15th, JCAL Academy will host a Ladies Day Out event to benefit Sweet Pea Project.  The event will be held from 2-4pm at Lancaster Jewish Community Center, located at 2120 Oregon Pike.  Enjoy delicious food catered by Food for Thought Catering, neck massages by Lancaster Chiropractic &a Massage Therapy, tons of incredible vendors (listed on flier below), giveaways and so much more! 

Email  Nicole at Nicole@sweetpeaproject.org ASAP to register for this free event.

Click on the flier to enlarge.

Please feel free to copy & share.

The black & white version below is provided 

for those who wish to print and share.

Artwork & candles fom five.

Earlier this month my art exhibit, five, opened at Mulberry Art Studios.  Sweet Pea Project hosted a community reception and it all unfolded perfectly... the artwork, the writings, the gently played guitar, the poetry reading, the community expressions wall, the glow of over 200 candles, each one bearing the name of a deeply loved child... it all came together to create something beautiful and honest and important and powerful and sacred. 

Experience a bit of it for yourself by taking a few minutes to view this video, featuring artwork and candles from the exhibit, at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfK3u5C1egY

Krista Darrah of Loving Memories Photography (http://www.lovingmemoriespa.com/) captured many beautiful images that afternoon, and she has generously donated them all to us.  If you had a candle lit for your child, please feel free to visit the Lit With Love album at www.sweetpeaproject.shutterfly.com  and download the image of your candle.

I hope today is a gentle one for you.

peace,
Stephanie Cole

5

 

On January 5th, Madeline's 5th birthday, I was interviewed about my art exhibit, five., for Channel 11's 10:00 News. I have included a link to that piece, along with two links for newspaper articles, to the bottom of this post in case you are interested in checking them out.

If you are in the area, I would love for you to join us at Mulberry Art Studios from 1pm until 4pm on Sunday, January 15th for the community reception for five.The gallery will be filled with beautiful art and writings, candle light and the music of a gently played guitar. A poetry reading will begin at 2pm and will feature pieces by Laura Seftel, Amy McCarter, Christopher Kulfan, Ralyssa Ensinger, Stephanie Paige Cole, Angie Yingst and Catherine A.G. Bayly.

The Community Expressions Wall, which features small glimpses into the depths of love and grief in the hearts of individuals who have experienced the death of a child, will be displayed in the Loft. 3x5 cards will be provided if you would like to add a piece of your own heart to our wall. 

 

More information can be found at www.sweetpeaproject.org/five.

 

Channel 11 News at 10: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuL1ig2hEBg&feature=youtu.be

The Grapevine Newspaper: http://www.sweetpeaproject.org/in-the-news/grapevinedec2011

The Lancaster New Era: http://lancasteronline.com/article/local/563034_An-ever-present-absence-is-center-of--five--exhibit.html

Thank you for your support and I hope to see you on the 15th!

peace,

Stephanie

--
Stephanie Paige Cole
Founder/ Board PresidentSweet Pea ProjectPO Box 10351
Lancaster, PA 17605
sweetpeaproject.org


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