Lit with Love at poetic gathering

Have a candle lit for your child at Sweet Pea Project's to linger on hot coals poetic gathering this March.

As you may have heard, Sweet Pea Project founder Stephanie Paige Cole and poet/professor Catherine Bayly have teamed up to create a book of poetry entitled to linger on hot coals.  The collection contains pieces from some of the the most beautiful and powerful voices of our community, and we are so excited for its release in just a few weeks.  You can visit www.tolingeronhotcoals.com or the facebook page for details, reviews and updates. https://www.facebook.com/hotcoalspoetry?ref=hl  We'll be sharing more about it soon.

To celebrate this lovely little book, Sweet Pea Project will be hosting a poetic gathering and community reception at Mulberry Art Studios on March 8.  As we have done in the past (at Beauty in the Breakdown and Five) we plan to fill the gallery space with candles, each bearing the name of a beloved baby, so that the room is filled with their light, lit by our love for them.

For those of us who have suffered through the death of a baby, the glowing light of the candles will be a reminder of their short but precious lives and a tribute to our love for them.  And it will surely move those who have not experienced such a loss to walk into a room and see how our love still burns for our unseen children.

During the month of January, anyone who makes a donation in any amount to Sweet Pea Project will have a candle placed in the gallery in honor of their child.  This includes donations made for the Winter Book Drive.  Contributions may be sent by check to the address at the bottom of this post, or be made securely online with a credit card or paypal account at www.sweetpeaproject.org/donate/paypal.  Please be sure to include your child's name when you submit your donation.

Please feel free to contact me at  Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org with any questions at all.  Thank you for your support of Sweet Pea Project, and for the honor of including your beautiful child in this exhibit.

Sweet Pea Project
PO Box 10351
Lancaster, PA 17605-0351

Sweet Pea Project is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.  All donations are tax deductible.

Sweet Pea Project Turns Five Years Old

In early December 2008, I sat down at the computer late one night and typed up an email to my friends and family.  It started with, "Christmas is just a few weeks away and we are so excited to see it through Ben’s eyes this year.  Still, we continue to struggle with sadness because his big sister will not be here to share it with us.  She would be two years old next month, and we miss her very much."  I went on to invite everyone to donate a receiving blanket in Madeline's memory so that I could bring them to the hospital on her second birthday, in the hope that I could offer some small comfort to the next mother to deliver a stillborn child there.  Within a couple of weeks I had been in the newspaper, had created a website, named my little effort the Sweet Pea Project and collected hundreds of blankets.  On January 5th, 2008 (her 2nd birthday) I delivered the first box of blankets to the hospital where she was born.  Now, 5 years later, we have donated over 6,000 blankets and 3,200 copies of Still. to 230 hospitals and bereavement organizations in all 50 states of the US and several other countries including Australia, Ireland and Canada.  We've hosted a dozen free community events and our Sweet Pea Babies page honors more than one thousand beloved children.  We've stood up and spoken out at every opportunity in an effort to break the silence and remove the stigma surrounding stillbirth and infant death.  We do all this knowing that none of it will ever take away the pain of their deaths, but with hope that together we can create a more compassionate community for the broken families these precious children leave behind.  Thank you to everyone who has helped us as we build this community, blanket by blanket, book by book, broken heart by broken heart, and thank you for allowing me the honor of being a small part of your child's remembrance.  These past five years with Sweet Pea Project have been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, and I cannot wait to see what the next five years will bring.

Butterfly Tree Children's Mural

The death of a baby can be very difficult on a child. They witness their parents wrestling with overwhelming grief, and struggle with their own feelings of sadness and confusion. These children deserve a day just to be carefree children, playing with their parents in the sunshine and having fun, and each year Sweet Pea Project offers those families that kind of a day at their annual Sweet Pea Sisters & Brothers Picnic.  At this year's picnic, 106 children decorated paper butterflies with watercolor paint, acrylic paint, colored pencils, crayons, markers, and glitter glue in honor of their sisters and brothers.  Artist and Sweet Pea Project founder, Stephanie Paige Cole, then helped the children create a giant mural using their butterflies as leaves on a butterfly tree.  The mural will be unveiled on National Children's Grief Awareness Day, November 21st, with a special cookies and cocoa reception for the artists who created this touching piece of art at Manheim Township Public Library, and will remain on display there during regular library hours from November 21-30.  During the mural's stay, the library will have Sweet Pea Project community event videos available for viewing.  They will also have books specially chosen to suit this topic and Sweet Pea Project informational brochures will be available as well.   To learn more about our annual children's picnic and the ways in which we strive to create fun and healthy ways for children to express their grief, please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org/picnic.  

Extraordinary Give

click on flier to enlarge, download & share!

The Extraordinary Give: November 22, 2013

If your life has been touched by Sweet Pea Project, then please consider supporting us this November 22 as we participate in the Extraordinary Give. 

The Extraordinary Give is Lancaster County’s 24-hour Online Giving marathon, where every dollar donated at ExtraGive.org on Nov 22 will be stretched by a $250,000 contribution from the Lancaster County Community Foundation shared among participating community organizations, plus incentives and prizes that can further benefit our organization.

Your tax-deductible on-line donation to Sweet Pea Project through www.extragive.org on November 22 will allow us to continue offering comfort, support and gentle guidance to families who have experienced the death of a baby before, during or after birth.

Mark your calendar for November 22 and tell your friends!  “When We Give Extra, Extraordinary Things Happen!”

Remembrance Gathering Videos & Photos

October 15th was a beautiful day this year, there was warmth and blue sky and sunshine abounding but the thing that made it so beautiful was not the weather- it was the sense of community that filled the grassy field at Long's Park as we all gathered together- all 700 of us!- to shout to the sky, with wildflower seeds and green balloons, that our children are loved, they are missed and they are remembered.  

If you weren't able to join us at the park, we invite you to hop over to youtube to watch two videos we created. One is a video recording of Stephanie speaking about remembrance and Beth reading each sweet name as the balloons float up into the sky http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIWt8V9Y_nw and the other is a montage of stunning photographs taken at the event by Grace Photos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9C6XN8LIvw&feature=youtu.be.

If you were a guest at the gathering and you would like to download a free image of your family from the event, please check your email for a link to our password protected album.  There are 3 or 4 times more pictures in that album than time allowed us to share in the video, so please peruse the album for more amazing images.  Email Stephanie if you are unable to access the album for some reason.

Thank you to everyone who joined us that day and helped make it such a tender, sacred, moving evening. We are already excitedly looking forward to next year's gathering on October 15, 2014.  We hope to see you there.

Sweet Pea Project's 4th Annual Remembrance Gathering

You are invited.

Summer is winding down and autumn will be soon be upon us.  Autumn means a lot of things to a lot of people- apple picking and pumpkins, comfy sweatshirts and crunchy leaves.  Here at Sweet Pea Project, autumn is a season of remembrance.  We invite you to join us once again as we hold our annual Remembrance Gathering on National Remembrance Day, October 15, at Long's Park in Lancaster, PA.  This gathering offers families a chance to come together and remember their children as a community and to celebrate their short but precious lives. We would be honored to have you join us as we gather together to listen to the beautiful music of our children's name spoken out loud in a field filled with love and support.

Sweet Pea Project's 4th Annual Remembrance Gathering is a free event that is open to the community, but registration is requested.   To register your family please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org/remember and click on REGISTER NOW.   Registration will be open until September 30.

We will be offering  commemorative T shirts again this year.   The shirts will feature our event logo on the front and include a list of the names of the children we are remembering on the back.  Shirts are available for $5 a piece and can be ordered online when you register.  All orders must be placed by September 30th.  We are very sorry, but it is not possible for us to ship shirts.  They must be picked up at the T Shirt Table at Long's Park between 5pm and 6pm on Tuesday, October 15.  Payment is due at the time of purchase either via paypal (at paypal.com sending money to Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org) or mail a check to us at

Sweet Pea Project

Attn: Shirt Order

PO Box 10351

Lancaster, PA 17605-0351

Thank you, and we look forward to seeing you at the park!

Kindness Day Giveaway 2013

Today is International Kindness Project today.  If you haven't heard of this beautiful day, brainchild of MISS Foundation's Dr Joanne Cacciatore, then I encourage you to visit www.kindnessprojectday.org to learn more about this meaningful event and how you can get involved.  Here at Sweet Pea Project we are participating by donating 3 copies of Still (one in honor Max Jackson, one in honor of Mark Gauthier and one in honor of Madeline Cole) through a random drawing.  To enter the drawing please send an email with the subject KINDNESS to Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org and be sure to include your name, your child's name and your address (so that we can ship the book to you in case you win.)  As always, we promise to never share your information with anyone.  The drawing will close tonight, July 27 2013, at midnight and the winners will be announced on facebook and contacted via email tomorrow.  Please feel free to share this far and wide.  Have a beautiful day, filled with kindness and remembrance and love.
peace
Stephanie Cole

Still Giveaway in Support of Return to Zero

If I told you that there was a way for you to be an activist for an important cause, and that it would take less than 2 minutes of your time and that you could wear your pjs the whole time, you'd be in, wouldn't you?  And what if I told you that you would be rewarded for those 2 minutes of pajama-clad activism with an awesome prize?  Irresistible, right?  I hope so, because I really do have such an opportunity for you, and it truly is important.  If you haven't already seen my short YouTube video about Sweet Pea Project's giveaway in support of the new movie, Return to Zero, then please swing on over and check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjKNa2sZ_aI&feature=youtu.be.

Here's what you need to do.  First, click HERE and pledge to see Return to Zero when it comes to a theater near you.  Use my name, Stephanie Cole, as your local leader.

Second, enter the giveaway by sending an email to Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org with the subject line STILL.  Be sure to include your name and mailing address, so that we can send you your prize if you win!  We are giving away 50 copies of Still, so your chances are already pretty excellent, but if I were you I would probably have every person I know sign the pledge and enter the giveaway, too- that way the movie gets more support and your chance of winning increases since your friends and family can always give you their prize if they win.  :o)

All entries must be submitted by Midnight US Pacific Time on Thursday, June 20, 2013.

Here are the prizes:
1st Prize- 1 copy of Still for the winner + 20 copies to be donated to the winner's hospital of choice
2nd Prize- 1 copy of Still for the winner + 10 copies to be donated to the winner's hospital of choice
3rd Prize- 1 copy of Still for the winner + 5 copies to be donated to the winner's hospital of choice
12 Runner Up Prizes- 1 copy of Still for the winner

Why support this movie?  Return to Zero is a rare kind of film, one that tackles the uncomfortably deep sadness of stillbirth head on.  In an effort to get this important film into theaters, Director Sean Hanish has asked us all to show our support by signing a pledge saying that we will be there in the theater when this movie is released.  Hundreds of movies are made each year and never make it to the theaters, and we are determined that Return to Zero will not be one of them.  26,000 babies are stillborn in the US each year.  This is another chance to remove the stigma and break the silence surrounding their deaths.  For more information on the film, visit www.returntozerothemovie.com.

Please feel free to email me at Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org with any questions you may have.  Visit www.sweetpeaproject.org to learn more about Sweet Pea Project and www.readstill.com to learn more about this book you are trying to win, Still: a collection of honest artwork & writings from the heart of a grieving mother.  And thank you for your support.

Still a Mother giveaway & our Secret Garden

First, we would like to wish each and every one of you a peaceful Mother's Day today.  We know it probably does not look the way you dreamed it would be, but we hope you can find a little beauty in it somewhere as you think of the little one to whom you will always be Mama.

In honor of Mother's Day, we are opening the gates to the new Secret Garden at Sweet Pea Project.  This garden is an album of photographs taken by Sweet Pea Project founder and Still author, Stephanie Paige Cole, and is coupled with some of her short writings.  We would like to invite you to wander through the garden and pick any flowers that speak to your heart.  We hope you find some comfort here.

Also in honor of Mother's Day, we are giving away free copies of Still.  To add yourself to the drawing, please send an email with the subject line "Still a Mother" to Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org, and be sure to include your name, your child's name and your address (so that we can mail your copy to you if you win) by midnight EST on Sunday, May 12.  Winners will be drawn at random on Monday morning and notified by email.

And speaking of Still, we are very excited to announce that Still's new official website is now live at www.readstill.com!  Stop by the new site to purchase a copy, order books for your hospital, take a peek into the pages of Still, read reviews, share your own thoughts about the book and more.  Thank you for your support!

We hope today is gentle with your heart.

Mother's Day & Erma Bombeck

If you've been a part of this community for awhile, you have probably already read the piece that I wrote back in 2010 about my first Mother's Day and how the weight of it all lifted just a bit when I learned of the history behind the holiday.  If you haven't already read it, please check it out here: http://sweetpeaproject.blogspot.com/2010/05/mothers-day-of-peace.html

Instead of reposting that piece here, I wanted to share something that I stumbled upon  recently.  The woman who owns the art gallery where I have worked for the past decade always calls me "the next Erma Bombeck" because she thinks I am an "honest and hilarious storyteller."  (I can think of few compliments that could ever make me happier.)  And so I picked up some of her work the other day and started flipping through it, and came across an incredibly relevant piece of writing.

The following is a column written by Erma Bombeck.  It was first published on May 14, 1995 and it was later include in the book Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing from America'sFavorite Humorist.  I think all the mothers who have outlived their children, and there are far too many of us, will find it to be a relevant read this weekend.  For so many of us, this Sunday will not feel special or beautiful.  In fact, it might feel torturous.  Worse yet, we may feel excluded and unworthy.  But we belong in the category of mother, and we deserve that recognition on this (and every) day. 

We are still mothers.
  

Mothers who have lost a child - May 14, 1995

by Erma Bombeck

If you’re looking for an answer this Mother's Day on why God reclaimed your child, I don't know.  I only know that thousands of mothers out there today desperately need an answer as to why they were permitted to go through the elation of carrying child and then lose it to miscarriage, accident, violence disease or drugs.

Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions.  It's a state of mind.  From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.  It's a promise we can't keep.  We beat ourselves to death over that pledge.  "If I hadn't worked through the eighth month."  "If I had taken him to the doctor when he had a fever."  "If I hadn't let him use the car that night."  "If I hadn't been so naive, I'd have noticed he was on drugs."

The longer I live, the more convinced I become that surviving changes us.  After the bitterness, the anger, the guilt, and the despair are tempered by time, we look at life differently.

While I was writing my book, I Want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise, I talked with mothers who had lost a child to cancer.  Every single one said death gave their lives new meaning and purpose.  And who do you think prepared them for the rough, lonely road they had to travel?  Their dying child.  They pointed their mothers toward the future and told them to keep going.  The children had already accepted what their mothers were fighting to reject.

The children in the bombed-out nursery in Oklahoma City have touched more lives than they will ever know.  Workers who had probably given their kids a mechanical pat on the head without thinking that morning are making phone calls home during the day to their children to say "I love you."

This may seem like a strange Mother's Day column on a day when joy and life abound for the millions of mothers throughout the country.  But it's also a day of appreciation and respect.  I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back.

In the face of adversity, we are not permitted to ask, "Why me?"  You can ask, but you won’t get an answer.  Maybe you are the instrument who is left behind to perpetuate the life that was lost and appreciate the time you had with it.

The late Gilda Radner sums it up well:  "I wanted a perfect ending.  Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.  Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next.  Delicious ambiguity."

* * *
To all the mothers out there who have outlived their children, we at Sweet Pea Project are holding you close to our hearts and wishing you a gentle Mother's Day of Peace.

With love for my child and yours,
Stephanie Paige Cole