Finally, a Victory for Pennsylvania Parents!

When my daughter was stillborn in 2007, I was offered a death certificate but no birth certificate. A few months later I decided to look into it further, because it seemed so illogical to me. I came across the MISS Foundation and the MISSing Angels Bill and contacted Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, who returned my email with a phone call that same afternoon. Her knowledge seems limitless and her passion is infectious. I learned that my state, Pennsylvania, had already been fighting for years to pass a bill that would offer parents a Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth. I added my voice to the already booming chorus by meeting with my Senator and State Representative, collecting names on a petition and speaking out about the need to pass this legislation. A few years later another local mother, Nicole Jackson, decided to get involved after her son was stillborn. She collected over 1,000 names on her petition and opened herself up to the community by appearing in numerous television interviews and newspaper articles to speak eloquently and emotionally about her son, her experience and the importance of this bill. And on July 27, 2011, Nicole and I were able to watch as the Governor finally signed that bill into law. We were a very small part of a very large process, one that took 11 years and the sweat and tears of countless individuals, many of whom worked much harder and longer than us, and it was such an honor to be there together as we witnessed Pennsylvania become the 31st state to adopt this type of bill. All of us here at Sweet Pea Project are anxiously awaiting September 6th so that we can finally apply for something that should have been offered to us a long time ago: birth certificates for our babies.

Please scroll down to view photo highlights from our time at the Capitol and click on the links below to check out the media coverage we received. And to everyone who played a role in the passage of this bill, we are so very grateful. Thank you.

Front page article in the Patriot News: http://www.sweetpeaproject.org/in-the-news/cherishing-the-life-of-a-stillborn
WGAL television news segment: http://www.wgal.com/video/28685447/detail.html

Please visit www.sweetpeaproject.org/in-the-news to view more media coverage and www.sweetpeaproject.org/legislation to learn more about this bill.

PA parents may file for a certificate for their child at this link:
http://www.portal.health.state.pa.us/portal/server.pt/community/fetal_death_and_certificate_of_birth_resulting_in_stillbirth_certificates/14124/certificates_of_birth_resulting_in_stillbirth/608963

Sweet Pea Sisters & Brothers Picnic Pictures!

A few weeks ago, Sweet Pea Project held a new community event for kids, the Sweet Pea Sisters & Brothers Picnic. This year's picnic, presented by Angel Bracelets, was held at Hands on House Childrens Museum on July 9th and was an absolutely incredible event. We are already excitedly brainstorming up ways to make next year's picnic even better, and we hope you will join us there next summer. In the meantime, I wanted to give you a sneak peak into the event by sharing a short video with beautiful images from Molly S. Photography. Check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGpg0bYsWqw

Thank you so much to everyone who came out to the picnic, volunteered their time, made donations or sponsored the picnic. More information about the event and our generous sponsors can be found online at www.sweetpeaproject.org/picnic.

Mother's Day: Not Just a Hallmark Holiday

Last year I wrote a piece about the original intention of Mother's Day, and though many of you may have read it already I think it bears repeating. Mother's Day is so much more than a Hallmark holiday, and it is an especially relevant day for those of us who must carry our children in our hearts instead of our arms. Please take a moment to read, or reread, the following post and feel free to share. I hope this weekend is a gentle one for you.


Well, there is no escaping it. Tomorrow is Mother's Day.

For those of you who lost your only child or who are facing their first Mother's Day since their child's death, tomorrow will no doubt be a difficult day. The memory of my first Mother's Day without Madeline is still heavy in my heart. I wanted to just ignore it, but I was constantly ambushed by junkmail advertisements, displays in stores, and commercials on the radio and TV. I found myself questioning if I really was a mother, if I even deserved this day at all. Of course I knew in my heart that I was a mother, but I felt like society considered me disqualified since I had no little ones to scribble "I love you" on construction paper or make me a messy breakfast in bed.

If I only had known then what I know now. You see, since then I have met Kara LC Jones of KotaPress and MotherHenna, and she gave me a little history lesson. Mother's Day is not just a meaningless Hallmark Holiday. It began as a peace protest in 1870 by Julia Ward Howe, who was sick of seeing mothers lose their sons to war. When I read the line in Howe's proclamation that says, "Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead," I couldn't help but feel empowered. I remembered how I felt that first Mother's Day, when everyone else was off celebrating while I stayed in bed to cry alone and then later when my husband and I hiked through the woods to a little meadow where we planted five saplings for Madeline, thanking her for making me a mother. I had felt like such an outcast at the time, but now I look back and am struck by the fact that I was the one celebrating the true nature of Mother's Day. It is not about going out to brunch, it is about honoring the entire experience of motherhood. Kara puts it perfectly when she says, "I'll celebrate with you as long as you will first mourn with me. It is the combination of the two that lends itself to the true meaning of Mothers Day!"

To read Kara's entire article on this topic, including the speech Julia Ward Howe gave in Boston in 1870, please visit the following page: http://www.kotapress.com/section_articles/holidays/motherFatherDays/jones_realMeaning.htm.
Wishing you all a gentle Mother's Day of Peace tomorrow in honor of every mother of every child, living or dead.

peace,

Madeline's Mommy, Stephanie Cole


--
Stephanie Paige Cole
Founder/ Board President
Sweet Pea Project
PO Box 10351
Lancaster, PA 17605
sweetpeaproject.org
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Sweet Pea Sisters & Brothers Picnic

We are excited to announce a new community event, and you are invited!

Please visit the event page at www.sweetpeaproject.org/picnic for details.

Hope to see you there!

You Are Invited!

Sweet Pea Project is excited to announce our first community event of 2011

Coffee & Conversation with
Dr. Joanne Cacciatore!

Sweet Pea Project would like to invite bereaved family members to join us in the Mulberry Ballroom at Mulberry Art Studios on Wednesday, April 6th from 6:30pm until 8pm to enjoy coffee and desserts prepared by the Master Chefs of Rettew's Catering and hear the MISS Foundation's Dr. Joanne Cacciatore speak about grieving mindfully.

Seating is limited and registration is required. Please email Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org to reserve your spot. Registration begins on February 3rd and will end on March 25, as long as seats are available. There is no charge to attend this event. As always, donations are greatly appreciated so that we may continue to offer comfort, support and gentle guidance to families who have experienced the death of a child.

To learn more about Dr. Joanne Cacciatore and her inspiring work,
please visit the following websites:

MISS Foundation
Center For Loss & Trauma

Please contact me with any questions you may have. I hope to see you in April!

peace,
Stephanie Cole

You remembered her birthday

As you probably remember, I recently asked for small donations from family, friends and the community in honor of my daughter's birthday earlier this month. I was completely overwhelmed by the response. Donations flooded in, many from people I've never even met, and we are now in a position to greatly expand our book donation program. If you would like to see Still. added to the bereavement boxes offered at your local hospital at no cost, please contact me for details.

To everyone who made a donation in honor of Madeline's 4th birthday, thank you. You filled a difficult day with so much love and light. I am beyond grateful.

Sincerely,
Stephanie

January

the coldness creeps in

and my body remembers
winter is so hard

In an effort to make it through January, the most emotionally complicated month of the year for me, I have decided to carve out space in my life for honest contemplation and creation. I will write or make art each day. I'm hoping this will allow me to work through the still raw emotions of Madeline's death and birth in a way that leaves open the opportunity for me to experience beauty, discover truth and find balance.

Catherine, from The Lifespan of Butterflies, did this same thing through her Imago Project leading up to her daughter's birthday in October. I participated with her in October and this month she is joining me. If this inspires you to write or make art at all this month, I would be honored to include your work in the Community Gallery at Beauty In The Breakdown. I will be placing many of my own pieces (maybe even all of them, depending on how brave I am feeling) in the Main Gallery, so please stop by and check them out.

Yesterday I created my first piece of the month out of black polymer clay and finished it with a metallic green powder. A peapod for my Sweet Pea.

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Today Madeline and my story was posted on Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope as their Story of Hope for this week. I think the timing is just beautiful. I had interviewed with them in early November not knowing if or when the story would be used, and here it is one week before Madeline's birthday (my most difficult week of the year) and our story is selected and published. So perfect. Thanks to everyone over at Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope for all that they do. Here is the article:

Stephanie Paige
Sweet Pea Project

Mother to Madeline Jonna, born January 5, 2007

My firstborn child, my beautiful daughter Madeline, was stillborn at 41 weeks on January 5, 2007. A cause of death was never determined.

I have founded a nonprofit organization, Sweet Pea Project, which offers comfort, support and gentle guidance to families who have experienced the death of a baby before, during or shortly after birth. I have also written a book, Still: a collection of honest artwork & poetry from the heart of a grieving mother, and I am the artist behind the Beauty In The Breakdown community art project. Working on these projects has helped me immeasurably. Writing the book and creating artwork gave me a way to express all the unspeakable emotions that were coursing through my veins after Madeline's death. And the Sweet Pea Project allows me to continue parenting Madeline by mothering her memory.

Above all, reaching out to others parents brings me peace because I know just how lost and lonely one feels after suffering through such a profound loss. After Madeline was born she was wrapped in a standard issue hospital blanket and handed to me. I cradled her in my arms for hours in that blanket before kissing her cheek one last time and saying goodbye. It was one of the few things in this world that touched her, and I wish so badly that someone would have thought to send that blanket home with me. The Sweet Pea Project began as a blanket collection program in the hope that we could keep other mothers from experiencing that same regret.

Everything I'm doing is something I never thought would be possible! I've created a nonprofit organization out of nothing, had a book published, collected well over a thousand blankets. I never would have dreamed I could do any of this, and I know the only reason any of it has been possible is because of the strength that Madeline left me. Everything that I accomplish is because of her.

Last month the Sweet Pea Project held our 1st Annual Balloon Release on October 15th. A few weeks before the event I received an email from a woman who read about it in the newspaper. She said she was looking forward to coming to the balloon release, that her son had been stillborn and she had never participated in anything in his honor before. He would have turned 46 this year. We emailed back and forth and she thanked me for the opportunity to get some of the grief off her chest. I cannot imagine how heavy and suffocating it must have been to have lost a baby years ago, when society forced you to bare the weight of it all in silence. I was honored to celebrate her son's short but precious life alongside her at the balloon release. I am grateful that I have been able to speak honestly about my experience and I am humbled by the opportunity I have been given to encourage other mothers to speak out as well.

There are so many beautiful mothers out there working to make this world a more gentle place for bereaved families, and they are all constant sources of strength and inspiration. When I was drowning in the ocean of my loss, it was other mothers like Kara LC Jone, Joanne Cacciatore and Sherokee Isle who reached out and pulled me aboard their little lifeboat. I am honored to now be in the position to bring others on board.

http://www.facesofloss.com/search/label/Story%20of%20Hope

Sweet Pea Babies Christmas Tribute

Christmas can be a very difficult time of year for those of us who do not have all of our children in our arms. The joyful bustle of the outside world can be overwhelming and isolating, and it can sometimes seem as though you are the only one who remembers that a deeply loved little person is missing from the family gatherings. We want you to know that your child is being remembered, this holiday season and always, by all of us at the Sweet Pea Project.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sweet-Pea-Project/137341992964455

This video includes all of the children from the Sweet Pea Babies list as of December 21, 2010. If your little one was included and you would like to download a JPG of your child's name,
please email Stephanie@sweetpeaproject.org

Grief & Arts Workshop

I am so excited to announce that I will be participating in a Grief & Arts Workshop for bereaved parents next month, along with several other highly respected artists and authors. I hope you will be able to join us as we explore our experiences through writing and art-making. No prior art or writing experience is necessary at all. Please feel free to contact me for details. More info below.


Grief and Arts Workshop

Description: Join authors and artists Janel Atlas, Nina Bennett, Angie Yingst, and Stephanie Paige Cole for an afternoon of making and sharing art, both visual and literary. All who have been impacted by the death of a baby at anytime during a pregnancy or infancy are welcome. Participants will choose among several guided workshop sessions and get to take their creations home. The workshop will be held at the Newark Arts Alliance, 276 East Main Street, Newark, Saturday, January 22, 2011 from 3-6 p.m.

Pre-register by January 12 and pay just $12, or pay $15 at the door; tickets cover materials and light refreshments. To register, e-mail Janelatlas@gmail.com or call 302.737.6088.